Did I make the wrong decision by wanting to go to college as a chronically ill person? Should I drop out? I had these thoughts because college life with a chronic illness was tough, especially in my last year. When I went through severe stigmatization, ableism, and discrimination.
Despite these thoughts, I stayed and earned my degree, but at what cost?
What happened in my last year of college?
So, not long after starting my last school year, I had a pain crisis and was hospitalized. While in the hospital, I received an email from a lecturer. She said that she understood me being chronically ill but still insisted that I attend class.
The lecturer wasn’t aware of my hospitalization, but that’s still a crazy thing to say!
When I returned to school, I had a group project led by the same lecturer, which I wasn’t thrilled about. But because of my concerns about getting into the group project after my hospitalization, I still asked for a meeting.
And I wish I hadn’t, because she dismissed my concerns. Apparently I was not willing to put in effort. On top of that, some groupmates questioned my illness and accused me of not contributing enough!
It seemed like everyone doubted my abilities, but I was just trying to manage my health.
The impact of severe stress on chronic illness
Desperate for a solution, I reached out to the head of the department. He told me I would stay in that group as a ‘learning experience’, and so my teammates would also learn to work with a chronically ill person. This has to be a joke?!
Their decision felt like forced endurance.
So, I immediately contacted my doctor regarding the department’s decision. The doctor provided a medical statement explaining how severe stress impacts my health. And despite that, I had to stay in the group.
But it was just impossible to work with people who questioned and ignored my health challenges and physical limitations.
Eventually that whole situation affected my health so badly that I was having back-to-back pain crises! Which was a terrifying thing to go through, as the school didn’t see the seriousness of my situation.
Surprisingly, after several weeks, a solution appeared. The department adjusted my coursework so I would work alone on some projects. Which seemed like a lot of work for one person. And honestly, their solution came too late, as my health had already been severely affected.
Unfortunately, I was overwhelmed by all the coursework due to back-to-back pain crises and hospitalizations. So I did an extra year for the sake of my health.
The aftermath affecting postgrad life
When I finally earned my degree, I was disappointed and felt resentment. My health had declined so much over a situation that could’ve been easily resolved!
Now I was severely deconditioned and constantly in pain. On top of that I had an atrocious ache in my right hip. So after discussing it with my doctor, an MRI was planned.
The result was a broken hip…what the f*ck?! My bones were affected and have necrosis, which basically means the bone is dying off (I don’t know how or why, but I guess it can happen with sickle cell).
Hearing that information was devastating to me because I went to college for education and growth but ended up in a worse state than when I first started college.
And that made my blood boil!
Do the bodies of chronically ill people have to break down as proof that we’re putting in effort?!
After my diagnosis, I thought a lot about what I experienced while navigating college with a chronic illness. And reflecting on what I went through made me fear for my postgrad journey.
Would it be just as terrible as my experience in college?
Pondering about the past and postgrad while chronically ill
After that messed-up situation in my last year of college, I thought a lot about my past and how my postgrad journey would be.
I haven’t had the best experience in educational institutions since elementary school. Mostly due to some teachers just refusing to understand my chronic illness. Despite delivering medical statements and my mom explaining my condition.
And it wouldn’t be so different in middle and high school.
In my fourth year of high school, I got a severe pain crisis, triggered by burnout. Before falling ill, I asked the school to study from home, as I felt myself getting weaker.
But they refused, as it would be too ‘difficult’.
Thinking back on my journey in educational institutions made me see that I went through a lot of stigmatization, ableism, and discrimination. As a kid I didn’t know what I was experiencing, only that it was traumatizing and exhausting.
And I wondered…
Is it possible to exist as a chronically ill person without having to jeopardize my health for the sake of conforming to societal expectations and norms?
Why I started blogging
It frustrated me that my well-being was at the mercy of authoritative figures who believed they knew better about what support I needed as a person with a chronic illness.
Which I journaled a lot about! And while working through my emotions, I came to the realization that I wanted to at least speak up about it. Because it’s unfair chronically ill people go through this.
Chronically ill people also deserve to live full and meaningful lives, even if our experiences look a bit different from those of able-bodied individuals.
So I decided to start advocating for sickle cell and chronic illness awareness via blogging!
I was nervous but overcame it for the sake of creating a safe space where people with sickle cell can talk about their experiences. Because navigating life with a chronic illness and/or disability can be overwhelming, confusing, and isolating.
What this experience taught me
Going through college with a chronic illness wasn’t what I imagined it to be. I had to speak up against authoritative figures at school because they made decisions that were very harmful to my health.
Speaking up was scary, but I knew what would be best for my health. And self-advocating for it isn’t being ‘difficult’: it is asking for correct accommodations!
That experience motivated me to advocate via blogging. Because I wanted to create a safe space for people with sickle cell and raise awareness!
Have you had similar experiences with chronic illness and college? Share your thoughts in the comments below, or share this post with someone who might benefit from it!
Hope to see you around! 😉
Photos used from Pexels by Olia Danilevich, Polina Tankilevitch, Darina Belonogova, and ANTONI SHKRABA production